leplastiquedick:

me when the aliens finally abduct me and put me in one of their zoos

(via jumex)

futchcassidy:

hey quick question. what the fuck is going on

(via zackisontumblr)

baaulp:

Holy shit. I dropped my Alexa on the ground and it broke. And a tiny woman crawled out thanking me for her freedom. She said she was going to go return to her forest home.

(via heart)

endercity:

siri new post hey guys im in the hospital i bruised my nuts trying to bounce on them like that tiger from winny the pooh bounces on his tail. overwatch cringe compilation will have to be delayed to may 18th because theyre telling me i have some fucking quotation mark internal bleeding quotation mark in my quotation mark stomach quotation mark from that epic metal eating challenge two weeks back. later bros. siri post

(via silkkipippeli)